So as I was Saying
The other day, I went to the hospital for a minor medical outpatient procedure. There wasn't too much to it, and I was in and out in a couple of hours. It is a very routine thing, and I have been through it before. Now, if you asked the doctors, it all worked just fine. If you ask me, I'm not so sure. Let me tell you about it.
One thing about this deal, is I get put under anesthesia for less than a minute. That is about as long as the whole procedure lasts. In fact, it takes longer to park the car, then the whole thing last. The secret, is how quickly it takes for the anesthesia to work.
Most of the time, it doesn't take me too long to go under. The doctor will get me talking about something, then a nurse is yelling at me to wake up. Once though, they woke me up laughing. Apparently right after I was finished, I started singing the Sinatra standard A Summer Wind. Of course I don't remember of it, but I guess it happened.
This time though, nothing seemed to work. The doctor would be talking, and I was answering him back. No sleep. You can see him getting more irritated, which I almost (almost is the key word) thought was funny. He and his assistants would be yip yapping about something, and then say "Mr. Hare, are you awake?" "Yes, why thanks for asking?" They would get nervous and keep on chattering. At one time I even asked, "Shouldn't I be asleep now?" That didn't go over well. It almost felt like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Remember, when the guy was collecting the dead bodies, and they brought a guy out who was alive ("I'm alive, not dead yet." "He's dead." "No I'm not, I think I'll go for a walk." "He can't walk, he's dead". Rent the movie, you'll enjoy it.).
They kept telling me I was asleep, and I kept telling them I wasn't. At one point, I told them to stop touching my eyes. I guess I wasn't supposed to know about that. It is one of those 'doctor' secrets.
Shortly thereafter I allegedly fell asleep. Than in the middle of that, all of a sudden, I felt like I got hit by a bus. It sure seemed someone was running around the room with a baseball bat. I let out a scream, and a nurse took off out of the room (that's what HK told me, who was busy on her smart phone, updating her facebook status to 'widowed' Okay I'm kidding about that part). The procedure woke me up! That's not supposed to happen. I guess the nurse came back in the room with something that worked better.
A few minutes later, they were yelling at me like they always do. "Mr. Hare wake up. Congratulations, the procedure worked." My answer? "No, it didn't. How did I wake up? I shouldn't even be talking to you now. Why am I not still under the anesthetic. What's up with that? Why am I conscious?" A fast thinking nurse said about the only thing she could think of. "Mr. Hare, you should go back to sleep, you'll feel better."
Eventually I got to ask the nurse the obviously question. "Why didn't you guys make sure I was asleep?" She said "We did. We touched your eyes, and that is one of the ways we tell if you're out." My answer was the only thing I could think of at the time. "Wait, wait. You guys touched my eyes, and I asked you to stop. I wasn't asleep." She answered with something unintelligible.
Apparently, the eye thing is one of the numerous tests they use to make sure you are out. All I could say is, "with all the advances in medical science, and all the stuff you can do in seconds with these machines, and the way to tell if someone is sleeping is by touching their eyes? Come on man."
They bribed me with a pretty good lunch, sent me home, and I was back to work the next day. I feel great, and all is well. Make no mistake, what the medical community does every day is truly a miracle. But still next time, I'm going to ask for a bit more of the sleep juice. That or a bigger lunch.
Back tomorrow with another Person of the Week.
We will talk soon
Jeff
One thing about this deal, is I get put under anesthesia for less than a minute. That is about as long as the whole procedure lasts. In fact, it takes longer to park the car, then the whole thing last. The secret, is how quickly it takes for the anesthesia to work.
Most of the time, it doesn't take me too long to go under. The doctor will get me talking about something, then a nurse is yelling at me to wake up. Once though, they woke me up laughing. Apparently right after I was finished, I started singing the Sinatra standard A Summer Wind. Of course I don't remember of it, but I guess it happened.
This time though, nothing seemed to work. The doctor would be talking, and I was answering him back. No sleep. You can see him getting more irritated, which I almost (almost is the key word) thought was funny. He and his assistants would be yip yapping about something, and then say "Mr. Hare, are you awake?" "Yes, why thanks for asking?" They would get nervous and keep on chattering. At one time I even asked, "Shouldn't I be asleep now?" That didn't go over well. It almost felt like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Remember, when the guy was collecting the dead bodies, and they brought a guy out who was alive ("I'm alive, not dead yet." "He's dead." "No I'm not, I think I'll go for a walk." "He can't walk, he's dead". Rent the movie, you'll enjoy it.).
They kept telling me I was asleep, and I kept telling them I wasn't. At one point, I told them to stop touching my eyes. I guess I wasn't supposed to know about that. It is one of those 'doctor' secrets.
Shortly thereafter I allegedly fell asleep. Than in the middle of that, all of a sudden, I felt like I got hit by a bus. It sure seemed someone was running around the room with a baseball bat. I let out a scream, and a nurse took off out of the room (that's what HK told me, who was busy on her smart phone, updating her facebook status to 'widowed' Okay I'm kidding about that part). The procedure woke me up! That's not supposed to happen. I guess the nurse came back in the room with something that worked better.
A few minutes later, they were yelling at me like they always do. "Mr. Hare wake up. Congratulations, the procedure worked." My answer? "No, it didn't. How did I wake up? I shouldn't even be talking to you now. Why am I not still under the anesthetic. What's up with that? Why am I conscious?" A fast thinking nurse said about the only thing she could think of. "Mr. Hare, you should go back to sleep, you'll feel better."
Eventually I got to ask the nurse the obviously question. "Why didn't you guys make sure I was asleep?" She said "We did. We touched your eyes, and that is one of the ways we tell if you're out." My answer was the only thing I could think of at the time. "Wait, wait. You guys touched my eyes, and I asked you to stop. I wasn't asleep." She answered with something unintelligible.
Apparently, the eye thing is one of the numerous tests they use to make sure you are out. All I could say is, "with all the advances in medical science, and all the stuff you can do in seconds with these machines, and the way to tell if someone is sleeping is by touching their eyes? Come on man."
They bribed me with a pretty good lunch, sent me home, and I was back to work the next day. I feel great, and all is well. Make no mistake, what the medical community does every day is truly a miracle. But still next time, I'm going to ask for a bit more of the sleep juice. That or a bigger lunch.
Back tomorrow with another Person of the Week.
We will talk soon
Jeff
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